Day 3: The Finale

     Yesterday (Sunday, 5/11/2014) was the last day of the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. Before I went to sleep Saturday night Todd Armstrong asked me if I wanted to get a free tattoo and get interviewed for his show, Permanent Comedy, which I performed standup on not to long ago.

 

     After I woke up and got ready I drove over to Martian Arts Tattoo in Portland to do the tattoo/interview portion. When I got there I was pleasantly surprised to see Billy Wayne Davis.

     Billy Wayne was also getting a tattoo and interviewed for the show. Billy's tattoo was a memorial to his grandfather whom he spoke very highly of while telling me about his choice for a tattoo. I thought this was very sweet and respectable. I also thought that I might need to put more thought into what I was going to have permanently drawn onto my body. In the end I couldn't think of anything else, so I went with my original choice.

 

     Yeah, that's a green smiley face. Billy Wayne Davis had this great story about how his grandfather was an inspiration to him, and that he started with nothing in his life and became successful through hard work and blah blah blah. I basically had a dream when I was eighteen that I got a green smiley face tattoo. I've always wanted to get it since I had the dream, and now seemed like the right time. I don't make the best decisions.
     After getting my tattoo I called my mom to wish her a happy mother's day. I would like to say thank you to those of you that commented and liked my status from the night before so that I would have a kind reminder to do so in the morning. It was successful, and my call made her day. It made her much happier than anything my two little brothers did for her. She didn't say that, but I'm her first born. What I do for her will always be better. It's not like she had two more boys because she felt like she needed make up for the mistake she made in the beginning. Right?

     While I was talking to my mom I decided to get myself a little snacky snack.

 

     Apparently, I just so happened to come across one of Portland's highest rated Mexican restaurants. It's in a truck parked on the sidewalk. Portland you never disappoint.

     After my delicious 4 star street meat meal, I headed back to the main area of the festival so I could work at my final show. I bumped into a pretty famous friend of mine that invited me out to eat with him and a group of people. I had been feeling so dejected and alone at this fucking thing that the fact that I just shoved 4 lbs of burrito awesomeness into my face did not stop me from jumping at this opportunity. This is why I came here. To feel like part of the team even though I wasn't picked to play this time. So what if I add a few extra pounds. I'm already fat, but I wasn't happy. Now it was time to be fat and happy. This is what I needed.
     I felt a little better. My shift was approaching, so I headed back to the stage area one last time. The show went smooth with nothing of interest to speak of. Once it was over I made my way to the other part of the festival where my friend Monica Nevi was performing. She finished her set, and then we jumped in the car to head back to Seattle. It was a good drive. It was just under 3 hours. We didn't stop for bathroom breaks or leg stretches because we are bad asses. We passed the time by sharing stories of our Bridgetown experience and singing R&B songs of the mid to late '90s. I dropped her off around 12:40am, and I was able to make it home before 1am.
     That's it. That is the end of my Bridgetown Comedy Festival experience. I went there to prove to myself that I could still have fun at an event like this even though I wasn't a performer on it by going and celebrating my friends' successes. I learned a valuable lesson during this festival. I'm not a good person. Despite everything and everyone it just wasn't a good time. It wasn't fun hanging out with the jocks, even though I was friends with them, at the parties in high school if I couldn't make the varsity team, and it's not cool hanging out with the comics at Bridgetown if I didn't get invited to perform. I'm not happy that this is the type of person that I am, but at least now I know for sure that this is me. Despite all of my best intentions I will continue to be shallow and selfish. I think that's okay just so long as I'm honest with everyone and myself about that fact. To my friends that performed there this weekend. I know you had fun. I'm happy for you. Don't take this the wrong way. I'm always happy for your success'. I'm just always going to be happier about mine.

Day 2: Self Revelations

Okay, I’m realizing that I’m not as good and decent of a human being as I had hoped. This sucks. I’m not happy for the other people here. I’m just hanging out wishing that I was on all of the shows that I’m watching. I’m bitter and sober. That’s the worst part probably. I haven’t drunk any alcohol in over a month, and I decided that I was going to continue this trip of sobriety while here in Portland. It hasn’t gone as smooth as I would have hoped. Anyway, here’s a rundown of how things have been going so far.

I checked in at the show I was scheduled to volunteer at about an hour early. So far…so good. I notice a few Seattle people that I know. Oddly, I’m not getting any of those happy feelings that I wanted to feel for them. I’m just feeling out of place and not at all at ease. I’m feeling negative about being here. I’m not sure what happened in a matter of four hours, but whatever it was, it wasn’t good. It’s hard to describe the feeling I was experiencing. I think that’s the whole point of writing things like this, but fuck you. As it turns out, I’m not the best with words.

I see Dan Duarte. He’s up volunteering at one of the merchandise stands, and I was not expecting to see him. This is a pleasant surprise. I start to feel a little happier. Dan is a handsome guy that can’t look in the mirror with the lights on because he thinks that he is ugly or something like that…here is a picture of Dan that I pulled off of the internet.

Now it’s show time. I check in with the comics to give them information about their set times, when I’ll give them the light, and where I’ll be with the light. They are all extremely dismissive. I swear that being a volunteer and not a performer just puts you in a “nobody” status that people could not care less about. Maybe I’m projecting some of my own insecurities here, but I swear when I was on at Laughing Skull earlier this year I was much more social with the volunteers. There was one cool guy on that show. His name is Derek Smith, and he is a comedian from Chicago. Here is a picture of Derek that I pulled off of the internet.


During the show I had to go use the restroom. This wouldn’t normally be an important point to make but this is Bridgetown. In Portland, and other hip places across America, it is important to get rid of gender identification because our body parts don’t make us who we are. One of the first places that hip people like to fight this social issue is our bathrooms. In this particular case, I guess a nice lady didn’t think it would be important to turn the bathroom latch to the occupied position because FUCK IT, and I got to be the lucky guy to walk in on her in the bathroom. This is a critical moment in my life. It is here that for the first time I am finding out that when you walk in on a girl in the bathroom you can’t tell if you walked in on a girl peeing in the bathroom or shitting in the bathroom. For the sake of comedy, I’m going to say that I walked in on this girl taking a huge shit because I think that’s hilarious. Here’s a random picture I found of a girl on a toilet.


After my stage managing duties were over I saw Rylee Newton. She’s involved and important to Bridgetown in some way. She’s a coordinator of some sort. We watched the Super Bowl together at my apartment a while back. Not the important one that the Seahawks won, but the one before it that the 49ers lost. Anyway, Rylee wanted to go somewhere, and I was feeling like everything was a mistake. It was time to get out of here. I gave Rylee a ride over to the other portion of the festival, and I decided to go sign up for an open mic. This where the night starts getting better. Here’s a picture of Rylee that I actually took.

After doing the open mic I went to watch some friends on the Spicy News show. They didn’t tell any news. They did do a set where halfway through they had to eat a spicy habanero pepper. I’ve never seen people in such pain telling jokes. Well, I guess there’s usually a lot of emotional pain, but this pepper shit was much more evident.

After all that was done I met up with Dan Duarte and Billy Wayne Davis. We went back to the hotel for the after party. This is the same hotel where I was volunteering at for the earlier show and walked in on a girl in the bathroom. I bring this up because this place has horrible bathrooms. I didn’t walk in on anyone else, but I did lock myself in one of them and wound up freaking out in the dark for about five minutes. I thought I was stuck. It was terrifying.


I finally made it out and decided it was time to leave. I made it over to my friends Todd’s place. He’s a cool comedian in Portland, and he is letting me stay on his couch.


I just opened the door and walked in instead of knocking because it was late and I didn’t want to wake anyone up. People should tell you what kind of dogs they live with just in case you decide to walk into their homes unannounced. I was greeted at the door by a 70lb pitbull. I immediately regretted not knocking. Fortunately this pitbull was more lap dog than guard dog, and we hit it off super well. Here’s a picture of cuddle buddy.


I went to sleep and woke up today with invitations to a steakhouse called Acropolis.


Yep, it’s a steakhouse/strip club. I think I did the most disrespectful thing possible in a place like this. I played games on my phone.



It’s a pretty sweet game.

We decided to leave. I took in some of the sights. This is a pretty road that I liked…

The trees kind of give it a cool tunnel effect.

And then here’s just a few of the local attractions I saw driving around town.


Now it’s time for me to head out and socialize some more. There are some really great people here, and I am having a good time. I just have to get out of my head for a little bit and enjoy it. Hopefully some great shit will happen, and I’ll be able to write something worthwhile.

Until then…

Day 1

     As a comedian, you can't get accepted into every festival that you apply to perform in. Well, I guess if you are really good then you can, but I'm just pretty good; therefore, I have to deal with rejection from time to time.
     Today I am driving down to Portland for the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. It's next door to Seattle in the beautiful city of Portland. It's in it's 7th year, and this was the 3rd year that I have submitted for it. This is also the 3rd year that I didn't get accepted. The first year I was disappointed. My best friend was accepted, so I thought it would have been fun to go together and take part in it. Last year, I was furious. I broke a lamp. I bought that lamp at Walmart, so some of that may have just been because of the shame I experienced from shopping at Wally World. Mostly, I was having a hard time separating the accomplishments of other people from the rejections that I received. I definitely spent too much time looking at the lineup and thinking "he got in but I didn't? There's no way she's funnier than me! What are they thinking?!".
     STAHP! Don't say it. I know I was a bad person. I've been working on it.
     Here we are. One year later. I didn't get accepted again. This time, though, rather than breaking a lamp that did nothing to deserve it, I submitted to volunteer after I received my rejection letter. You see, what I failed to realize last year was that most of those people that I was wasting time comparing myself to are my friends. My very funny friends. Instead of sitting at home and sulking I realized that I could celebrate with them. Now, there's no fucking way that I'm going to pay to do that, but by volunteering to stage manage a few shows I get the opportunity to go down, have fun, and experience this festival with comedians that I know, love, and respect. FOR FREE!
     I'll try to take some pictures. I'll try to share some stories with you from the festival. Mostly, I'm going to have fun. That's why I'm doing comedy. Not to win anything. Not to compare my successes and failures to those of my peers. This thing makes life fun for me, so I'm going to go have fun.