Day 2: Self Revelations

Okay, I’m realizing that I’m not as good and decent of a human being as I had hoped. This sucks. I’m not happy for the other people here. I’m just hanging out wishing that I was on all of the shows that I’m watching. I’m bitter and sober. That’s the worst part probably. I haven’t drunk any alcohol in over a month, and I decided that I was going to continue this trip of sobriety while here in Portland. It hasn’t gone as smooth as I would have hoped. Anyway, here’s a rundown of how things have been going so far.

I checked in at the show I was scheduled to volunteer at about an hour early. So far…so good. I notice a few Seattle people that I know. Oddly, I’m not getting any of those happy feelings that I wanted to feel for them. I’m just feeling out of place and not at all at ease. I’m feeling negative about being here. I’m not sure what happened in a matter of four hours, but whatever it was, it wasn’t good. It’s hard to describe the feeling I was experiencing. I think that’s the whole point of writing things like this, but fuck you. As it turns out, I’m not the best with words.

I see Dan Duarte. He’s up volunteering at one of the merchandise stands, and I was not expecting to see him. This is a pleasant surprise. I start to feel a little happier. Dan is a handsome guy that can’t look in the mirror with the lights on because he thinks that he is ugly or something like that…here is a picture of Dan that I pulled off of the internet.

Now it’s show time. I check in with the comics to give them information about their set times, when I’ll give them the light, and where I’ll be with the light. They are all extremely dismissive. I swear that being a volunteer and not a performer just puts you in a “nobody” status that people could not care less about. Maybe I’m projecting some of my own insecurities here, but I swear when I was on at Laughing Skull earlier this year I was much more social with the volunteers. There was one cool guy on that show. His name is Derek Smith, and he is a comedian from Chicago. Here is a picture of Derek that I pulled off of the internet.


During the show I had to go use the restroom. This wouldn’t normally be an important point to make but this is Bridgetown. In Portland, and other hip places across America, it is important to get rid of gender identification because our body parts don’t make us who we are. One of the first places that hip people like to fight this social issue is our bathrooms. In this particular case, I guess a nice lady didn’t think it would be important to turn the bathroom latch to the occupied position because FUCK IT, and I got to be the lucky guy to walk in on her in the bathroom. This is a critical moment in my life. It is here that for the first time I am finding out that when you walk in on a girl in the bathroom you can’t tell if you walked in on a girl peeing in the bathroom or shitting in the bathroom. For the sake of comedy, I’m going to say that I walked in on this girl taking a huge shit because I think that’s hilarious. Here’s a random picture I found of a girl on a toilet.


After my stage managing duties were over I saw Rylee Newton. She’s involved and important to Bridgetown in some way. She’s a coordinator of some sort. We watched the Super Bowl together at my apartment a while back. Not the important one that the Seahawks won, but the one before it that the 49ers lost. Anyway, Rylee wanted to go somewhere, and I was feeling like everything was a mistake. It was time to get out of here. I gave Rylee a ride over to the other portion of the festival, and I decided to go sign up for an open mic. This where the night starts getting better. Here’s a picture of Rylee that I actually took.

After doing the open mic I went to watch some friends on the Spicy News show. They didn’t tell any news. They did do a set where halfway through they had to eat a spicy habanero pepper. I’ve never seen people in such pain telling jokes. Well, I guess there’s usually a lot of emotional pain, but this pepper shit was much more evident.

After all that was done I met up with Dan Duarte and Billy Wayne Davis. We went back to the hotel for the after party. This is the same hotel where I was volunteering at for the earlier show and walked in on a girl in the bathroom. I bring this up because this place has horrible bathrooms. I didn’t walk in on anyone else, but I did lock myself in one of them and wound up freaking out in the dark for about five minutes. I thought I was stuck. It was terrifying.


I finally made it out and decided it was time to leave. I made it over to my friends Todd’s place. He’s a cool comedian in Portland, and he is letting me stay on his couch.


I just opened the door and walked in instead of knocking because it was late and I didn’t want to wake anyone up. People should tell you what kind of dogs they live with just in case you decide to walk into their homes unannounced. I was greeted at the door by a 70lb pitbull. I immediately regretted not knocking. Fortunately this pitbull was more lap dog than guard dog, and we hit it off super well. Here’s a picture of cuddle buddy.


I went to sleep and woke up today with invitations to a steakhouse called Acropolis.


Yep, it’s a steakhouse/strip club. I think I did the most disrespectful thing possible in a place like this. I played games on my phone.



It’s a pretty sweet game.

We decided to leave. I took in some of the sights. This is a pretty road that I liked…

The trees kind of give it a cool tunnel effect.

And then here’s just a few of the local attractions I saw driving around town.


Now it’s time for me to head out and socialize some more. There are some really great people here, and I am having a good time. I just have to get out of my head for a little bit and enjoy it. Hopefully some great shit will happen, and I’ll be able to write something worthwhile.

Until then…